A Great Ending

Have you ever been to a really good funeral? This may sound like a strange, even inappropriate question. However, a few days ago I went to the funeral of Dave, a wonderful 75 year-old man who was dearly loved by his family, friends, fellow church members, colleagues … and me.

It was one of the most powerful and spiritually enriching services I have ever experienced. There was a palpable sadness amongst the hundreds in attendance. But the diverse voices coming together to share his life narrative provided an astonishing testimonial to a life well lived. We all went away more in touch with what is most important. Few things deliver a message so piercingly clarifying as the funeral of a man of character.

Dave was a pilot, a surveyor, a father of two and was married to Linda for over 50 years. Although his life was marked by several tragedies, he remained steadfast in his faith in God, his relentless commitment to his loved ones, and his determination to achieve his goals. He said “yes” to God and to life, throughout his journey, regardless of the obstacles in his path. His life story was an illustration of the prophetic truth in John’s gospel, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world.” *

Pastor Paul officiated. He invited us to freely express what was in our hearts. “It is okay to cry today. It is okay to laugh today. We will lament; we will rejoice.  We will shake our fist at God and ask “why”; we will praise him for the life he gave his faithful servant.”

A rich tapestry was woven, reflecting the many colors of Dave’s life: sorrow, humor, tears, laughter, prayer, and a wealth of gorgeous music. And holding it all together was an intricate pattern of faith. This was the inspiration that I endeavored to take with me. Any complacent people amongst us were probably effectively agitated. For Dave’s was a life of purpose.

I went away pondering an important question: at my funeral, what do I want to be said of my life? Would I be remembered for my values? My actions? My relationships? My accomplishments? My failings? My work? My faith? What parts of my life have eternal significance, and for which of these things will I be remembered?

Dave’s purposeful life and incredible funeral reminded me of a central principle from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: begin with the end in mind. Covey teaches the power of creating a clear, compelling vision of what one’s life is all about, going so far as to define the destination. Having the destination clearly in mind affects every decision along the way.

Beginning with the end in mind is based on the principle of vision. It is vision that gives one the power and purpose to rise above the baggage and act based on what matters most. He suggests the value of creating a personal mission statement or credo. “It’s drafting the blueprint before constructing the building, writing the script before performing the play, creating the flight plan before taking off in the airplane.”**

As a pilot, Dave understood the value of a flight plan – in aviation and in life.

Creating your personal mission statement can help you be well and stay well. It supports a big picture perspective, preventing you from getting consumed with the small stuff – bogged down in the daily drudgery of life. Short-term setbacks are more easily tolerated and transcended when higher principles and long term goals are embraced.

Influenced by Covey and other management writers, I decided several years ago to write my vocational mission statement. I call it a “credo” which means a formula of belief. It helps me stay on the right track, like a compass pointing me in the right direction. It guides and corrects me in my daily life and work. As I recite, pray, and meditate on it, I am reconnected with the principles and goals that I stand for. My best days are the ones in which I remember it.

When I fall short, as I often do, I know that I am in need of some redirection, perhaps some self-care and renewal. Maybe I just need to play or rest, or take a day off. There are so many distractions and so much noise that can detract from what is most important. Petty conflicts, confining policies, excessive regulations, and obstructive bureaucracy can pose barriers to achieving my vision. The important thing is to not lose sight of it; to hold fast to what is good. I believe deeply in the verse, “without vision, the people perish.”

My credo reads:

Founded in purpose

Serving in joy

Mastery in performance

Here is what this means to me:

Founded in purpose:  There is an inspired purpose to the work I have chosen, and life is a continual process of uncovering and maintaining fidelity to it. It is to offer hope and healing, health and wellness, and improved quality of life to those who have suffered hurts and losses. It is about binding the wounds of the brokenhearted, offering a cup of cold water to the thirsty. Any pain I have overcome can fuel the passion I bring to help others overcome pain. It is focused on supporting the right of all people to have dignity, equal rights, and a chance for happiness. It is about striving to be Christ-like in my conduct.

Serving in joy: This means approaching this work with joy, making it fun and having a sense of humor. Remaining aware and engaged in each day is required. It involves an irreverence: not taking myself or the task at hand so seriously so as to miss out on the chance to laugh, and appreciate the absurdities and ironies that arise. It is keeping my sense of fun and valuing the pleasure that is possible if I pay attention with a playful spirit. There is a positive community spirit that arises when I value joy. When I make it fun, great things happen. Humans, both children and adults, need to play. It helps us enjoy each other and the task at hand. My middle name is literally “Joy”, and I strive to live up to my mother’s aspiration in giving me that name.

Mastery in performance:  This is about excellence. I value total quality improvement – knowing that more progress is always possible. It requires a commitment to lifelong learning, and not being afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. It involves being curious and bold, and willing to work hard at what matters most. As one of my favorite novelists George Eliot said, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

********

So, how will you plan for a great ending? What ways can you begin with the end in mind? With a bit of forethought and personal inquiry, you can steer yourself in the direction that you define as important. Consider writing your own credo. It may help you construct your life with greater quality. Someday, your story will be told. It is up to you to make it a marvelous story, one with a great ending.

 

*The Bible, New International Version, John 17:33

**Covey, Stephen, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Golden Books, 1997.

Going Wild: A Remedy for Nature Deficit Disorder

American culture has moved indoors. There is such comfort and entertainment available within the finely accorded walls of our homes and offices that time spent in nature is becoming increasingly rare.

With the advent of the computer, video games, and television, children have more and more enticements to stay inside. The average American child spends 44 hours a week with electronic media. The numbers are even worse for adults, who spend more of their lives than ever indoors.1 Adults report spending an average of 87% of their time in enclosed buildings plus about 6% of their time in enclosed vehicles.2 That means a minuscule 7% of time is spent outdoors!

The results of this phenomena have been described as “nature deficit disorder.”What is the solution for this disturbing over-domestication of our species?

Going wild.

By this I don’t mean approaching life with a hedonistic devil may care, remove the shackles of morality, “girls gone wild,” YOLO abandon.

I am talking about getting into nature. Simply. Deeply. Truly. Real nature … in any of its forms. Wilderness, community parks, groomed suburban trails, or even a vacant urban lot. Anywhere that natural life exists. You probably don’t have to go very far. Certainly, a National Park can provide a climactic nature experience, but that level of intensity is not needed to obtain the benefits of what lies in the created order.

A substantial body of research indicates that direct contact with nature leads to increased mental health and psychological development. A wide range of encounters with nature have been shown to produce such benefits, including extended wilderness excursions, hiking in open space, strolling through a city park, gardening, or tending a small plot of urban grass.

Dr. John Davis4 compiled a summary of extensive research indicating a broad array of physical, social, and psychological benefits of nature experiences. His findings are cross-cultural and universal. He cites the following: Nature experiences reduce burnout and increase a sense of relaxation. It helps people recover from surgery and improves their performance on many tasks. It increases one’s sense of fascination, intrinsic interest, and enjoyment. Nature experiences strengthen “hardiness,” which is a combination of an internal locus of control, an appreciation of challenge as opportunity, and a commitment to self. Additionally, it provides a sense of connectedness, wholeness, meaningfulness and is related to better mental health and less stress. In nature, people typically experience a sense of “flow” (absorption into the activity, present-centeredness, healthy loss of ego, and self-transcendence). Natural surroundings provide an enhanced opportunity for transpersonal and peak experiences.

On this subject, my stories are too numerous to tell … but here are a few:

◊ Kevin, my high school church youth director in Minnesota, had a side business as a BWCA (Boundary Water’s Canoe Area) wilderness guide. He took our youth group on an annual outdoor adventure in BWCA. Every year he transported thirty of us in vans, carrying trailers with 15 canoes, up to the Canadian border to this million acres of pristine wilderness – teeming with thousands of lakes connected by trails or “portages.” There were no bathrooms, no showers, no electricity, no roads, no cars, and no motorized vehicles. Diet Coke existed only in my fantasies.

Going wild in BWCA was a blessed adventure for me as a teen. The trip was grueling, beautiful, and spiritually uplifting. I went three times. We paddled all day every day, portaging from lake to lake, carrying our supplies on our backs: our food, tents, first aid equipment, sleeping bags, and canoes. Yes. I carried a canoe on my back. This was surely a “hardiness” building experience. Because it required grit and perseverance, I gained strength and confidence. In the midst of the vast outdoors I felt entirely enchanted and connected with nature – as loons made haunting calls across the water, the campfire crackled, and the warm morning sun woke us to another day of rugged exploration. We shared stories, prayed, perfected our paddling technique, gave backrubs, caught fish, and slapped mosquitoes. I came home with a heightened awareness of my place in the larger world, the mystery therein, and a feeling of connectedness with nature and my peer group.

◊ My dad loves motorcycles. He has collected, built, restored, swapped, and tended them for his entire adult life: BMW’s, Motoguzzies, Hondas, Yamahas, Indians, Suzuki’s, Kowasaki’s, and Harley Davidson’s. At any time he had twelve motorcycles in varying states of repair in our 3-car garage. Taking a sidecar ride along backwoods roads with him was a childhood delight of mine. Exploring remote country on his motorcycle has been a lifelong fascination, the wind in his hair – at one with his aromatic surroundings. One of his great pleasures has been traveling by motorcycle 500 miles from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Sturgis, North Dakota for the annual motorcycle convention. He has attended this event for 40 years, and camps outdoors every time. Sturgis provides him with a natural adventure, even as he turned 79 years old.

I said to my brother Bob, “Don’t you think Dad is getting too old to bike to Sturgis? He’s having a hard time walking.” My brother quipped, “Well, he seems to ride better than he walks these days.” It was his last year at Sturgis. Being out in the wild, sleeping in the open air, free as a bird … he was still having the time of his life. As he sold his last motorcycle and moved into the retirement home on Lake Johanna with my mom, this was an important peak experience. His wild-hearted hobby has afforded him a lifetime of restoration, affiliation, and enjoyment.

◊ My husband and our two children traveled 6 years ago to Zion National Park for a four-day, back-country hiking trip. We carried everything in backpacks high into the jagged mountains. It was intensely physical due to steep elevation gain and harsh weather conditions. On the challenging hike down, I was exhausted and singularly focused on getting to our car. However, my then 15 year-old son, Johnny wanted to hike a particularly difficult side-trip out on an elevated precipice called “Angels Landing”. Having done it previously, my husband encouraged me to accompany him. I agreed, unknowingly.

Only while out on the steep rock face did I discover what a death defying feat it was. I could not look down, as the towering height was mind-boggling and anxiety provoking. I had to look ahead and focus intently to cast out the rising fear of the long descent to earth. Johnny plodded on with the casual confidence of a billy-goat. Reaching our destination on the outermost “landing”, we marveled at the astonishing view, and the feeling of being part of something vast and larger than ourselves. We shared a mysterious flow … something sacred. When we finally returned to the trail I collapsed in relief for having safely finished. I only realized the magnitude of what this meant to Johnny when he later said proudly to his friends, “I knew I had a baad-ass mom when she hiked Angel’s Landing with me.” It seems this trek was a rite of passage and a compatibility experience for us both.

I could share dozens of wilderness experiences, and I imagine you have many of your own to tell. The question is, why don’t we get out there more? Sure, I enjoy running my dog Winston almost daily on nearby neighborhood trails. But, exploring nature more deeply and more regularly would further nourish my body, mind, and soul. It is largely a matter of determination and planning. What about you?

Although our homes may be safe and comfortable, by retreating into them we risk contracting nature deficit disorder. The evidence is clear: Partaking of nature will make us happier, healthier, and more in touch with ourselves and our world. Let’s go wild.

 

1The New York Times, “Who Americans Are and What They Do,” in Census Data, by Sam Roberts, December 15, 2006.

2“National Human Pattern Activity Survey,” Neil Klepeis, University of California Berkeley and Wayne Ott, Stanford University

3Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder and The Nature Principle: Human Restoration and the End of Nature-Deficit Disorder.

4John Davis, “Psychological Benefits of Nature Experiences: An Outline of Research and Theory,” Naropa University and School of Lost Borders, July 2004.*

*Davis compiled research on the psychological benefits of nature experiences and summarized the following benefits:

Relaxation, stress reduction, and mindfulness

-Environmental Preference: coherence, complexity, legibility, and mystery

-Recovery from surgery, physical health and healing improved performance

-Increased sensory awareness and felt-sense

-Hardiness, locus of control, challenge, flow, and compatibility

-Challenge of wilderness experiences leading to self-confidence and improved self-esteem

-Coherence (defined as perceptions of connectedness, wholeness and meaningfulness) is related to better mental health and reduced negative stress

-Flow – involving high-stakes outcomes, high intensity, intrinsic motivations, absorption into the activity, and self-transcendence

-Compatibility – a fit between one’s need, one’s capacities, and what the environment offers.

-Extensive benefits for child development

-Social gains through nature experiences

-Exercise and physical fitness, leading to improved mental health